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Custody & Visitation
Legal Custody
Legal custody of a child is the right and obligation to make decisions about a
child's upbringing. Decisions regarding schooling, and medical and dental care,
for example, are made by a parent with legal custody. In many states, courts now
award joint legal custody to the parents, which means that the decision making
is shared. If you share joint legal custody with the other parent and exclude
him or her from the decision-making process, your ex can take you back to court
and ask the judge to enforce the original custody agreement. You won't get fined
or go to jail, but it will probably be embarrassing and cause more friction
between the two of you -- and it may harm the children. What's more, if you're
represented by an attorney, it's sure to be expensive.
Physical Custody
Physical custody is the right of a parent to have a child live with him. Some
states recognize the concept of joint physical custody where the child spends
approximately half the time in each parent's home. The latter arrangement is
tricky and should be considered only if you have an amicable, respectful
relationship with your ex. Also, it works best if you live near the other
parent. This lessens the stress on children and allows them to maintain a
somewhat normal routine.
Sole Custody
Sole custody means that only the custodial parent has physical custody and legal
custody of a child, and that the noncustodial parent has visitation rights. In
most states, courts are moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent,
and they are often enlarging the role a father plays in his children's lives.
This translates into physical custody for one parent with joint legal custody
shared by both -- plus a generous visitation schedule. Courts may not hesitate
to award physical custody to the father if the mother is deemed unfit -- for
example, because of alcohol or drug dependency, an unfit boyfriend or child
abuse or neglect charges. It's understandable that there may be animosity
between you and your ex-spouse, but sole custody shouldn't be sought unless the
parent is a direct harm to the children. Even then courts may simply order
supervised visitation, while still allowing joint legal custody.
Joint Custody
Parents who don't live together have joint custody (also called shared custody)
when they agree, or a court orders them, to share the decision-making
responsibilities for, and/or physical control and custody of, their children.
Joint custody can exist if the parents are divorced, separated, no longer
cohabiting or even if they never lived together. Joint custody may be joint
legal custody, joint physical custody (where the children spend a significant
portion of time with each parent) or both. It is common for couples who share
physical custody to also share legal custody, but not necessarily the other way
around. Usually, when parents share joint custody, they work out joint physical
custody according to their schedules and housing arrangements. If the parents
cannot agree, the court will impose an arrangement. A common pattern is for
children to split weeks between each parent's house. Other joint physical
custody arrangements include alternating years or six-month periods, or spending
weekends and holidays with one parent while spending weekdays with the other.
Joint custody has the advantages of assuring the children continuing contact and
involvement with both parents, and alleviating some of the burdens of parenting
for each parent. There are, of course, disadvantages -- children must be
shuttled around, parental non-cooperation can have seriously devastating effects
on children and maintaining two homes for the children can be expensive.
Bird's Nest Custody
Bird's nest custody is a joint custody arrangement where the children remain in
the family home and the parents take turns moving in and out.
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